


Closing Circles

by Gigi_Sinclair



Category: Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015), Star Wars Original Trilogy
Genre: Canonical Character Death, F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-30
Updated: 2015-12-30
Packaged: 2018-05-10 11:12:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,265
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5583649
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gigi_Sinclair/pseuds/Gigi_Sinclair





	Closing Circles

The first time was the day of the medal ceremony. 

Han was flying high. He couldn't blame himself, really. For as long as he could remember, he'd been on the outside looking in, a Corellian rat scraping the bottom of the barrel to survive. He wasn't used to being a hero, lauded by the masses, the weight of a princess' medal around his neck. After the ceremony, he threw himself into the party, laughing and drinking, flirting and drinking some more. He clearly wasn't the only one. When Luke came up to him and said, “Let's go,” Han thought he detected a slur in the other man's voice. Before he could ask whether the Force and alcohol made a good combination, Luke took him by the arm and pulled him away from the crowd. 

Both of them, along with Chewbacca, had been assigned temporary quarters down a long, dimly lit hallway. Luke stopped in front of one recessed doorway and looked at him. _Beautiful_ , Han thought. It wasn't the first time. If he hadn't seen old Kenobi slice off that guy's arm back at Mos Eisley, Han might have put the moves on Luke right away, but he wasn't stupid. Then, things got a little busy. And once he and Luke were friends, it seemed too late.

But maybe he was wrong. “Han.” Luke said, then stopped, as if that were a complete sentence.

Han smiled. “You drunk, kid?” 

“Not too drunk to know what I'm doing.” He reached out. Han went willingly, their medals clinking together as they collided. 

Han didn't know whether Luke had been a virgin until that night. He had his suspicions, but they didn't discuss the issue, then or later. They didn't discuss their relationship, either, if you could call it that. They were together, then apart for long stretches of time, while Han was taking a carbonite vacation or Luke was off in the picturesque swamps of Dagobah. Still, they always found each other again, and they always ended up in bed again. And for Han, every time was as good as the first. 

They broke it off for a while when Han and Leia decided to get serious. Nobody was happy, and when Leia said, “I don't need monogamy, Han, I just need discretion,” Han had never loved her more. He didn't know if she had others. Discretion was Leia's middle name. He didn't know if she knew about him and Luke, either, but he figured that was between them. It was the coward's way out, maybe, but Luke and Leia were twins and they were Skywalkers. Han doubted there was anything they didn't know about each other. 

The last time was a regular day, nothing remarkable about it. Leia was working off-world, again, and Ben was out, again. Luke came over for dinner, which turned, to Han's delight, into kissing on the sofa, making out like a couple of teenagers with Luke on his lap. “Better get to the bedroom,” Han said eventually, as his bad knee screamed at him that he wasn't as young as he used to be. “Don't want Ben walking in on his dad and his uncle. Might scar him for life.” Han smiled. Luke didn't. He stood up, but he didn't look at Han. “Hey, that was just a joke. There's nothing wrong with...”

“No.” Luke cut him off. “Let's go.” 

Age and various injuries had taken a few of the more acrobatic activities off the menu, but Han didn't think that diminished the experience. Rather, being together for so long had made them so in-tune with one another that sex had been elevated to another plane entirely. _This_ , Han thought afterward, as his heart hammered and the sweat rolled down his skin, _is what makes getting older worth it._ He reached out, only to find empty space beside him. 

Han opened his eyes. Luke had turned away from him. He was already sitting up, his legs over the side of the bed, presenting a slender, bare back to Han.

“Hey, what's up?” Han said. Luke didn't reply. “Are you OK, kid?” The nickname was patently ridiculous now, but over the years, it had morphed into a term of endearment Han was loath to give up.

Luke turned to look at Han over his shoulder, his face half-lit by the bedside lamp. “There's something wrong with Ben.”

 _Ben?_ Han laughed out loud. “Yeah, it's called being a pain-in-the-ass teenager. You remember what you were like.”

“It's not that.” Luke's expression was so grave, Han's laughter died instantly. “It's serious.”

“How serious are we talking?” Han's mind flew in a million different directions, beset by a depth of panic he had never felt until he became a parent. Was Ben into drugs? Gangs? Had he racked up debts? Han and Leia tried to respect Ben's privacy, to give him freedom, but had they given too much? 

“As serious as it gets,” Luke said. Han sat up and reached for his pants. This seemed like a conversation it would be better to have fully clothed. 

***

The pain, sharp and strong, woke Luke from a deep sleep. He sat up, fumbling in the dark for his little lantern, and flicked it on. The orange light illuminated the cave he'd called home for a long time, although exactly how long he hadn't paused to calculate. 

Han was gone. That was what the pain meant. It subsided as quickly as it came, but there was no ambiguity about the event, or who caused it. 

Luke hadn't expected to see Han again. He knew what kind of life Han lived before they'd met, the life to which he'd returned once they lost Ben. But still, Luke had expected to go another twenty or thirty years without feeling that particular twinge. He'd thought, even, that Han might outlive him, might outlive them all. He'd certainly seemed immortal. Until now. 

Luke stood and crossed the small space to the other side of his hermitage. He rubbed his good hand over his face. Tears didn't come, not yet. Instead, Luke's mind offered him a memory of the day they'd received their medals from Leia. He and Han had both been so young, so naive, although Han would doubtlessly dispute that description. Luke, overcome by love and made brazen by alcohol, had done what he'd wanted to do since they'd met. Looking back, he was infinitely glad Han reciprocated. He didn't know if he would have survived the humiliation if he hadn't. 

But things had worked out, better than Luke could have hoped for. They'd had years together, decades, he and Han and Leia, all loving one another in their own ways. It was perfect. Too perfect for his cursed family. Ben, adored by all three of them, slipped away, fell from their grasp, and none of them had been able to catch him. Not even Luke, who should have been able to, who should have seen where things were going before they were past the point of no return. But he failed, and it happened again. Kylo Ren killed Ben, and now he had killed Ben's father. 

Others would be in pain. Luke thought about Leia, and Chewbacca, and Han's friends. He wanted, briefly, to go to them, but of course that was impossible. Luke had caused enough trouble already. He was exactly where he needed to be.

Luke stepped out of the cave. Dawn was just breaking, a thin line appearing on the horizon. He pulled his cloak around himself and headed to the mountaintop, to begin his daily meditation.


End file.
